


A Defeated Troll and the Unspeakable Conclusion

by MissILikeTooManyFandoms



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 10:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4098328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissILikeTooManyFandoms/pseuds/MissILikeTooManyFandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura stumbles across a beloved quote that hits a little bit too close to home, resulting in a far more serious discussion than she had ever wanted to have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Defeated Troll and the Unspeakable Conclusion

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an evil headcanon from laurasneckbite on Tumblr. I don't really know how I feel about this. I apologize ahead of time for already breaking my anti-angst vow.

With the latest update edited and posted, Laura stretched out on the leather chaise, laptop propped on her knees as she perused Tumblr. LaFontaine and Perry had disappeared, the former excited to explain the groups new quest to the resident consciousness trapped in streams of binary code and the latter muttering under her breath about how _unclean_ the house was, fingers clenching and unclenching as if reaching for phantom cleaning supplies. Carmilla had left with an eye roll and a sigh, much to Laura’s disappointment.

“Fine. I don’t need a cuddly vampire anyway. Mindless scrolling take me away.” The decision to save Silas had taken quite a bit of effort and Laura was a Tumblr zombie in no time, her fingers absentmindedly tapping the down arrow, a few clicks echoing around the empty room when she actually found the energy to like or reblog something. The sound of clicking had long since ceased and Laura was well into her blissful Tumblr coma when a not unique, but still eye-catching image crossed her dash. The shot was pretty standard, a capture from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Hermione with her arms around Ron and Harry as they left the Leaky Cauldron, right before Katie Bell touched the cursed necklace. It was not the heartwarming and familiar image that brought Laura from her stupor. The quote “There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.”  was stamped across the image.

The quote had always made Laura smile, no matter how many times she thumbed through _Philosopher’s Stone_. It was a sweet quote, clever, and witty like all of J.K. Rowling’s other great little quips, though the Potterhead had always thought it to be quite the understatements and a little ironic considering the friendships that bloomed and had been established by the time “Nineteen years later” rolled around. Yet, before Laura could scroll away, a small, cold, dark drop formed in her chest before blooming all across her ribcage, the icy darkness seizing her lungs and gripping her heart in a vise. She could not help the gasp that escaped her as the feeling of utter dread took hold so swiftly and without mercy. She all but flung the laptop away from her, bringing her knees to her chest, arms tight around the shivering limbs.

An anglerfish god and a vampire cabal seemed an awful lot like a mountain troll, a whole slew of them, or even more like the whole Battle of Hogwarts but without the seven book build-up. Laura let loose a slightly hysterical laugh. _We didn’t even have the thirty chapter build up._

“What are you babbling about now, sweeth-Laura? Laura, are you alright?” Carmilla’s swagger turned immediately into concern as she entered the room, taking note of her girlfriend’s shaky breathing and trembling limbs. She slid on to the lounge slowly, carefully wrapping an around Laura’s shoulders.

“I’m fine.”

“So you normally say cryptic, nonsensical things to yourself when I’m not around? I’m supposed to be the mysterious one, cupcake.” Carmilla chuckled, squeezing the arm around Laura.

“It’s stupid.” She picked absently at the vampire’s leather pants.

“Try me.”

“It’s just…I found this quote. Well I didn’t find it, I’ve always known it so I guess I was just reminded of it. Anyway, I was on Tumblr,” she ignored the eye roll at the mention of her second favorite social media site, “and there was a post with the quote from the first book, about how there are things that you can’t help but to become friends after, like defeating a troll and it made me think about us, all of us.”

 “Is this about earlier? I’m not going to stop you. Not that I could if I tried. You know that, don’t you? I just…want our happy ending. Our fade to black like you were saying.” Though she would take several hours to deconstruct and be properly touched by what her broody and terribly romantic girlfriend had just said, Laura ignored the finer details for the time being.

“No! No. It’s…I just…do you ever wonder why we’re all together? Or what it would be like if none of this had happened?”

“Why?” Laura did not notice Carmilla’s evasiveness.

“We wouldn’t even be together if none of this had happened! If I hadn’t gone to Perry about Betty, she would just be my Floor Don and I wouldn’t even know LaFontaine. And I wouldn’t have met Danny because I never would have uploaded anything to the Silas Ethernet and there wouldn’t have been a town hall meeting for me to run into her at. And Kirsch. The Zetas wouldn’t have started up on their protection details because they wouldn’t have known anything was going on.” Laura took a breath.

“I still would have been your roommate.” There was a storm brewing behind Carmilla’s calm façade, her worry still present but quickly being replaced by trepidation, her fingers tightening in the fabric of the smaller girl’s shirt.

“Yeah but I would have lo-liked you. I’d hate you and-“ Laura had barely recognized the weight of her words before Carmilla jerked away, jumping off of the chaise lounge to stand, her entire form a contradiction of anger and sadness, hands clenched, back bent, eyes bright, but lip quivering almost imperceptibly.

“Be dating Danny. Yeah, I know.”

“Wait, no, Carm-“

“Everything would be different, you’re right. I wouldn’t be deserving of any sort of feelings other than hatred.” Laura’s heart hammered in her ribcage, the ice that had settled there rapidly heating up and breaking as hot fear took its place. It was climbing up her throat, threatening to keep her silent.

“That’s not what I meant. I-“

“That’s what you meant earlier. ‘I changed.’ I’d still be a soulless monster just annoying mommy dearest’s minions. A coward. I would have kept you safe of course.” She paused, brow furrowing for a moment. Her expression flickered. “It wouldn’t have been because I loved you though. I’d just want you in my bed because you’d hate me and that was hot, buttercup, when you’d roil and rage at me for being so awful and apathetic. It was so much fun, but then you said I deserved better and that was the moment that I thought, for the first time in centuries, since Ell, that maybe I _did_ deserve better.” Laura was on her feet, eyes wide and wet, more tears sliding down her face. Carmilla remained still save for the slight tremble in her frame that started in her fingertips and radiated into her arms, cracking the armor she had worn for so long with every slow beat of her heart.

“Carm, I-“

“But I haven’t changed, Laura. The only difference between me-then and me-now is how I feel about you and even that’s a bit of a stretch. I’m still a monster. You want to save Silas because you think its your fault, that you caused all of this. And yeah, you made a video and captured a vampire, but I’m the one who could have stopped this before you even existed. I’m the one who got the sword and pushed my mother into the light. This is all on me.”

“You’re not a monster, Carmilla.” There was so much threatening to burst from her, but Laura could only find the words she thought the vampire most needed to hear.

“But I am, Laura. I am a monster. You asked me if I ever thought about how things would be different. But the thing is, I know. I don’t have to wonder. And I try not to think about it because I was afraid this would happen, you wishing things were different, all of it. I’m a constant, Laura. It doesn’t matter how this played out because in every scenario, I am the same. And I lied earlier. I’d love you just as much. What would change, Laura, would be how you felt about me.”

“No, Carm, this is all just…silly. It’s silly. It was just a dumb Harry Potter quote. It’s not-I don’t…Carm, I…I…” She was choking. The words were there. She was thinking them so loudly, screaming them in her head, she did not understand why she could not just say them but it was fear and dread in her windpipe, spreading over her larynx. She could not say the words because she did not mean them, not yet, and she knew, and the knowledge made her knees weak. “I’m sorry.” Then the dam broke and she fell backwards, collapsing in on herself as she sobbed, the weight of the past several weeks and what had just been laid bare finally too much for her to hold, but instead of hearing retreating footsteps, two arms wrapped around her. Carmilla rocked her and ran soothing hands down her back, wiping her tears when they finally began to abate.

There were no soothing words, however, only silence. When her chest stopped shaking and her breathing evened out, her skin taut and entire being achy, Laura found herself carried to bed, Carmilla placing a blanket around her before settling beside her. Her throat burned, but what kept Laura from sleeping, even when the vampire beside her had fallen asleep, was the thought that in a different universe, she would not love Carmilla.

She wondered if this was that universe.


End file.
